Hello again!!

Yes i am still here and I have lots to tell you all about some exciting new projects and the developments with our house, but before i do i thought i had better explain why i have been absent from here for quite some time. I haven't abandoned this blog and my Homemade Mama ventures, In fact i have sat down to write things so many times, but i just didn't know what to say at the time.

Things have been quite tough over the last few months for me health wise, much of which i think is a direct result of not taking care of myself properly while renovating the house. After we moved in early March i began to feel very low and started to suffer with anxiety attacks and violent mood swings (which although were worse on those close to me!). I didn't really want to see anybody and felt that nobody would really want to see me either. I was depressed one moment, agitated the next. My skin was terrible due to a nasty outbreak of acne, I had developed a beautiful collection of hairs on my chin and i was exhausted to the point that walking up the stairs was an effort some days. I cried everyday, which just isn't like me! Despite the fact that I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) after my third miscarriage in 2010 i had never really thought much about it to be honest. I have always had fairly normal periods, if a longer than a normal cycle and i'm not overweight so i didn't really think that i had any symptoms. However after a lot of research after a chat to my doctor it would seem that depression, anxiety, mood swings and fatigue, along with my delightful acne & facial hairs are all symptoms! Isn't PCOS a dream?!?!

The reason i went to see a doctor was that i had the misfortune to have my 4th Miscarriage in March. This is not an easy subject to write about, especially so soon after the event so i will keep it brief, but i will say that it seems pretty certain that my PCOS has played a part in my miscarriage as my hormone levels are seriously out of whack (a medical term obviously!). Now although this was a horrible thing to go through AGAIN, it has had some positive effect in that it has made me make some steps to control my PCOS symptoms & they appear to really be working! I don't want to make this an essay on PCOS as i'm sure it will bore you silly, but if you want to know more about it please do get in touch! I have been reading every book and article i can find on the matter & as a result of this information have made some dramatic changes to my diet that involve cutting out most refined sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and milk. I am also exercising again (which is amazing!) and taking a rather large selection of vitamins known to help.

For the first time in months i am feeling much more like myself, i'm no longer crying all the time like a crazed hormonal beast which can only be a good thing! I'm still not 100% as my anxiety levels and fatigue still need to normalise, but they are nowhere near as bad as they have been! I'm starting to get better and it feels fantastic! I have really found taking charge and being proactive about my own health really empowering & have seen some really positive effects. Plus we have really revamped what we eat as a family. We have always been pretty healthy in that we are vegetarians who eat plenty of fruits and vegetables along with low fat sources of protein, but we got a bit stuck in a food rut after Henry was born due to lack of time. However i have really been enjoying cooking new things for us all, especially as i know that this new diet reduces my Mister's cholesterol levels as well as my insulin resistance!  This weeks favourites have had a mexican theme & have been yummy! We've needed a bit of chilli in our lives as we're certainly not getting any heat in the weather here. ;)

My biggest challenge now as a total sugar junkie is to seriously cut down on my chocolate/cake/cookie consumption.......wish me luck! I don't have many vices, but by god i love cake!!

Also although i know it may seem a little morbid or depressing, but i thought i would let you all know about another book while i was on the subject of my current reading. I first read this book on the recommendation of my OB-GYN at Southmead after my third miscarriage, and i truly believe that if it wasn't for the practical advice and facts in this book i wouldn't have been able to carry Henry to term! It is a must for all women who want to know what they can do to help themselves after a miscarriage &  want answers as to what may have been the cause. It can give you a feeling of control and ward off the utter helplessness you can feel after such a horrible event. Anyway it's called 'Miscarriage: What every woman needs to know' (2001) by Professor Lesley Regan. I really wish that somebody had put this book in my hands years ago after my first miscarriage, so i am letting you all know in case you know somebody who might benefit from reading it.

So there you have it: i have been away being a bit of a hormonal mess (Thank you endocrine system & Insulin......you've been just swell to me) but i'm getting back to normal and trying really hard to show my body that it's just not acceptable to be so disobedient & act so strangely without my express conscious permission! ;) I now have my much needed energy and creative mojo back and i have been putting it to good use! I will post again tomorrow to ask you all for your opinions on a new creative project